Room 415, Wednesday After Lunch

[brat_inslayage]

Third period was her actual fun class, but after that was over Kennedy had some reading to do-- thanks to Constance, who wanted her to plod through a couple of chapters of something from way back in the Dark Ages of Slayer history or whatever.

Constance was also bugging her about whether or not she'd given any more thought to going to college, but Kennedy was resolutely ignoring that line of questioning... and she wasn't exactly paying a whole lot of attention to her assigned reading, either. The book was open beside her as she lay sprawled on her stomach on her bed, but she was more interested in the Sunnydale news article on her laptop screen: something about a troupe of medieval warfare re-enactors who'd done a very believable job of acting out some mysterious dire fate. The soundbites from people speculating on what had happened in the article, though, were making her roll her eyes.

[[expecting one, and details of that conversation to be nfb, please, but open (though the door is closed), why the hell not?]]

Comments

NFB

[trigons_child]

Raven had been in that same class, but she'd sent a note to Ghanima that morning to withdraw from it. She'd seen Kennedy giving her looks yesterday, and since she wasn't planning to go to the Magic Reserve meeting that afternoon, she decided to stop by Kennedy's room to talk to her.

So there was Raven gently tapping at Kennedy's door.

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

...well, in a way the book she was not-exactly-reading was a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, wasn't it?

"It's--" Inviting people in reflexively was a bad habit she needed to break, so with a sigh, Kennedy shoved the book aside, got up, and headed over to the door, yanking it open with a distracted sort of good cheer that cooled a couple of degrees as soon as she saw who was standing there.

"Oh." She wasn't stepping back to let Raven in yet, and her hand was still resting on the doorknob. "Uh. Hey."

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

"Hello, Kennedy," Raven said nervously. "I am sorry to disturb you. I had hoped to have a few moments of your time to speak with you."

Kennedy had been pretty high up on her list of people to apologize to.

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

"I'm free for a while," Kennedy allowed carefully, though she still wasn't moving back out of the doorway. God, being skittish like this was stupid. "Did you need something, or...?"

Depending on what she needed, if anything, Kennedy might be prepared to help. Maybe. She wasn't sure.

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

"I only require your time," Raven said. And hopefully her forgiveness.

She drew in a steadying breath. "I wished to apologize to you for the things I did in New York. I was not truly myself, but...I still feel responsible for the harm I inflicted on you."

She tried not to flinch as she remembered the nightmare she'd made Kennedy experience. Brutal. Vicious. Vampire.

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

Kennedy had somehow managed to suppress the memory of how everything that'd gone down had happened in a version of her city until now, and her jaw tensed visibly at the mention of New York. Still, this was probably an awkward conversation to have through the doorway, so wary as she still was she finally moved back and gestured for Raven to come in.

"I'm fine," she said stubbornly, which accounted for her physical state at least, even if she still had some itchy healing scabs from demon claws to show for the experience.

...the thing about that nightmare was that it really wasn't all that far off from part of what made Kennedy who she was: fiercely protective of the people she cared about, and not particularly quick to forgive slights against them. That probably showed in more than her expression.

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

Raven stepped inside, grateful to be out of the hallway and into a place with more privacy. "I am truly sorry for everything that happened," she said, clasping her hands in front of her, eyes still downcast. "I hurt you in body and spirit, and that is something I would never wish to do. You have been a good friend to me, and I do not know how to begin to make this up to you."

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

Kennedy nudged the door shut with her foot and leaned against it, arms folded across her chest. She should be nicer about this, she knew that; she wasn't really sure she cared. Everything about Raven pretty much radiated genuine contrition... to someone who was psychically color-blind, so to speak. She was inclined to believe her, but... fool her once and all that.

"And I don't know if I can give you a place to start, there," she answered in a clipped tone. "Because you know what? Let's rewind a few weeks or months or whatever, whenever the hell it was you first got a clue something of the bad was up. Except? Kinda doubt that kind of backtracking's possible, so. That option's out."

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

"I did not do that out of any sort of malice," Raven protested faintly. She felt trapped with Kennedy between her and the door now, despite the fact that she could teleport. "I was wrong, and I was foolish, but I did not think there was anything anyone could do to help me, and I feared you would be harmed if you tried."

And she'd been right. Not that that mattered now.

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

"Maybe not." The fact was, Kennedy was staying right by the door on the off chance that she might need to get the hell out. "Doesn't change the fact that you fucking well knew you were in trouble, and you lied to our goddamn faces about it."

Not to her specifically, no; didn't matter. She'd worked up a good head of steam here.

"You knew your dad had a chance of controlling you, and you said you were fine," she blustered on, jabbing an accusatory finger at Raven. "For fuck's sake, Raven! You fangirl Master Skywalker once a week like clockwork, and you didn't think maybe he had some kind of hookups that could've helped before everything went pretty much literally to hell, and took all of us along for the ride?"

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

"I had hoped I would be strong enough to fight him," Raven said, flinching away from Kennedy. Her anger hurt as it banged against her fragile shields, but in a way it was a relief for someone to finally be mad at her like this. It justified how awful she felt.

"I was frightened," she said. "I was ashamed of what I was becoming. I prayed to Azar for guidance...."

Bad move, Raven.

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

Very bad move.

"Don't," Kennedy snapped, her eyes flashing dangerously. "Don't even go there."

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

Raven felt Kennedy's anger surge, but she couldn't not say something. "Azar was a good woman," she said. "She taught me how to use my gifts to heal instead of harm like my father intended. She only wanted her people to live in peace."

And she'd used Raven. But her heart kept trying to reject that as much as it rejected what Anakin had told her the day before.

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

So they were going to go there. "Are you seriously going to fucking defend her? She used us," Kennedy burst out. "Do you even get that part? We thought we had a plan. We thought we were going to go save you, but it was her pulling all our strings all along."

Oh hell, were her eyes stinging? Apparently she was still really that mad.

"She let all her people die, possessed Tara, then controlled us and made us kill you, Raven." Kennedy didn't even realize she'd taken a few steps away from the door, toward Raven, or that her hands were shaking. What all of them had let loose in their mystically-fueled rage was a memory that had stuck with her. "Are you really gonna look me in the face and defend that?"

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

Raven shrank back, almost stumbling. "I did not know!" she cried. "I did not know until Tara told me and I do not understand why she did what she did! If the cost to destroy my father was my life I would gladly have paid it, but I never wanted her to use you -- or me -- as she did. Those of Azarath knew what price they were called to pay, but you did not."

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

Kennedy threw her hands up in exasperation. "And there would be the problem. Madre de Dios, Raven, do you have any idea what that was like? Finally being back in control of ourselves and realizing what we'd done? We killed you," she repeated, and her voice finally broke. "And now you're back, and I should be glad, but--"

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

"But you are not," Raven said, unable to hold back tears of her own now. Strangely Kennedy's anger was actually easier than Jono's refusal to touch her.

"I understand," she said. "What I did was unforgivable, and so was what Azar did. I wish I could undo it, but I cannot."

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

Kennedy closed her eyes and rubbed both hands over her face. Fuck, as much as she'd wanted to yell she'd never meant to make Raven cry.

"Okay," she said after one very long, slow breath. "That's... not completely true. I think I've kind of got a right to be pissed off, but I am glad you're back."

She'd have thought she had a right to be pissed off whether or not she actually did, of course.

"It was starting to get easier. I was figuring out how to deal, and then you were here again and it all just sort of came back, and..."

Kennedy shrugged and dropped onto the edge of her bed. "Complicated shit, you know?"

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

Please, these days Raven would cry if her tea cooled too fast.

"You have every right to be angry," she said, hugging her arms to herself. "You suffered because of me and were forced to do terrible things. And I do not know what to do to begin to make up for it."

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

Kennedy wrapped her hands around the back of her neck and let her head drop slightly.

"How about not making us have to do that again?" she asked with a ragged laugh. "That'd be a start."

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

"I have no intention of allowing it to happen again," Raven said. Her father was gone at least, and despite the manner of her resurrection she didn't seem to be throbbing with evil, though she was still nervous about that. "I am trying to find precautions I may take, and if I sense something is wrong, I will not hide it."

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

"That," Kennedy said, looking up at her now, "is definitely a good start. Because let me tell you, it's been a fun couple of weeks of beating ourselves up for not trying harder to find out what was up."

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

"No, no," Raven said, shaking her head emphatically. "Please, do not blame yourself. That was all my doing. You tried, you all tried so hard to get me to open up about what was wrong. And I was so ashamed and afraid that I could not bear to tell you. I am to blame for what happened, not you."

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

"God, Raven." Kennedy rolled her eyes lightly. "Seriously, it's us. What were we gonna do, kick you out or something? Although if it's your dad's choice in wardrobe you have an issue with I can't really blame you there..."

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I was irrational," she said. "I was wrong. But I am trying to learn from my mistakes. And I am grateful to have this second chance." Even if she still wasn't sure she deserved it.

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

"Hell of a second chance," Kennedy noted. "The question is, are you gonna waste it? 'cause if you do, I'm totally going to yell again."

She was still mad, but she was trying to push through that, and feeling really bad for making Raven cry. Good one, Kenn. Real good.

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

"I do not want to waste it," Raven said. "I know I have lost so much trust, but I want to do everything I can to re-earn it." She sniffled again and gave Kennedy a sad smile. "I can only ask that you please give me the chance to do so."

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

"I'm trying," Kennedy admitted. "I swear I am. Right now, I don't know."

But she hadn't heard anything ominous or bad-sounding from Tara after Monday, so...

"I'm working on it. Okay?"

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

"Thank you," Raven said, relieved. "That is more than I deserve."

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

Kennedy scrunched her face up in a half-sheepish, half-diffident expression. "Yeah, well... you sorta paid for it by letting me rip you a new one, so we're even, I guess."

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

"I am happy to have helped you with that emotional release," Raven said, Quite Seriously. Some things would never change.

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

And god, did that ever just break the ice-- a tiny crack, but it was something.

Kennedy closed her eyes and let out a soft chuckle.

"Not dirty."

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

"What would be dirty about providing you with a release...?" Raven began to say, puzzled.

Then her eyes grew wider. "Oh," she said. And blushed.

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah, and no." Kennedy idly shoved her laptop back further from the edge of the bed. "Don't push your luck that far yet, 'kay?"

Re: NFB

[trigons_child]

"I would not dream of such a thing," Raven promised solemnly.

Re: NFB

[brat_inslayage]

"Even though you totally want me," Kennedy went on; slightly smug bluster was a nice comforting thing to sort of hide behind.