Kennedy's Apartment, NYC, May 2002 (Sunday Fandom Time)

[brat_inslayage]

So this was...

Well. Kennedy had gotten Tara's call yesterday, and in case it had ever been more than a purely rhetorical question of whether it was okay to crash at her place for a couple of days Kennedy's answer had basically amounted to giant, resounding amounts of 'duh.'

Not that it had been a particularly talkative visit so far-- Kennedy wasn't surprised about that anyway-- but if there was a protocol for having the ex-girlfriend you hadn't seen in a year, except it was only a few months for her, staying in your guest room, she didn't know what it was. (Constance wasn't any help either; Kennedy had called to ask if she wanted to drop in and say hi only to get a rather hurried and terse explanation from her Watcher about last-minute Council business, nothing to worry about, but she'd be out of town for the next week or so.)

So screw the protocol, if there was one: Kennedy would just deal with this by fixing breakfast. She had good reasons for that decision, really, she did-- this was just turning out to be a more difficult task than expected. So, sometimes her obstinate tendencies were a good thing. Right?

[[for the aforementioned ex-girlfriend.]]

Comments

[life_inshadow]

"Hi," Tara said, wandering sheepishly out of the bathroom, dressed and with her damp hair twisted into a bun. She yawned. "You're -- are you cooking?"

There was an awkward pause after that, where Tara swallowed what would have been 'sweetie.' The whole visit was kind of feeling like an awkward pause. She'd ended up there because she needed to be with someone she knew and trusted. But if there was some kind of survival manual for crashing with your ex after your mom died, Tara hadn't gotten it either.

[brat-intraining.livejournal.com]

Trying to crack eggs was tricky enough; if that awkward pause had been what it could have been, the counter would be a disaster area.

"Hey," Kennedy answered, a little grateful for having her hands full; it kept her from immediately heading over for a hug-- which was a weirdly strong reflex for having been out of use for so long. "I, uh... yeah. I usually go out for breakfast, but the place is kind of busy and I sort of figured you wouldn't be up for that, so..."

She glanced at the very, very rudimentary beginnings of breakfast and smiled sheepishly.

[life_inshadow]

"I'm okay," Tara said, fast enough that it was probably evident how much she wasn't. She could have managed a trip to a diner, but it was sweet Kennedy had wanted to spare her that. "I mean -- thank you for worrying and, wow. Eggs. You've changed."

She matched Kennedy's smile with a lopsided one of her own.

[brat-intraining.livejournal.com]

Ow. Kennedy had somehow thought that smile wouldn't get to her as much as it did, after so long.

She shrugged and half-chuckled. "Scrambled's as fancy as I'm gonna get, sorry. Also, it's microwave bacon and toaster waffles." Turning to poke at the bowl of eggs with a fork-- partly because she'd end up staring if she didn't-- she added quietly, "'course I was gonna worry."

[life_inshadow]

"It was okay," Tara said, wandering over to the table and sitting in a chair that she turned to watch Kennedy at the stove. "The funeral and everything, I mean. My dad was actually kind of nice. I just, um ... it was like staying there was making me itchy."

Her voice got quieter as she spoke, and the last word was almost a whisper.

[brat-intraining.livejournal.com]

Kennedy nodded and fished a piece of eggshell out of the mixing bowl. "'s why I was worried," she admitted. "That you weren't gonna come back, I mean. After."

[life_inshadow]

"I thought about not," Tara said, picking at a fingernail. "My dad asked, and my brother asked, and ... it felt easier, kind of? I mean, at least I know the, um. The bad stuff there. I wasn't sure I could do Fandom crazy for another year."

[brat-intraining.livejournal.com]

"Sure you can," Kennedy answered, confident as she'd always been but a little more gently; she frowned at the eggs as if she could glare them into cooking a little faster. "You've handled it just fine as long as I've known you."

[life_inshadow]

"Yeah, but ..." Tara's voice trailed off as she gathered her thoughts. "Being able to doesn't mean you have to want to. It doesn't matter, anyhow. I'm going back."

She rested her head on her folded arms, gently. "Have you visited the island at all?"

[brat-intraining.livejournal.com]

"Not in a long time," Kennedy answered. "Not since before we... y'know."

Maybe she should barge right on past that topic, so she took a breath, turned to look at Tara, and said firmly, "Not my call or anything, I know, but I'm glad you're going back. Kinda feel like you need to be there."

[life_inshadow]

Ah. Yes, Kennedy, thank you for skipping over that topic.

Tara was surprised by her annoyance as she shot a glance at Kennedy. "Well, see, now I want to know why you think I need to be there? Maybe I need to, y'know, go lie on a beach in Mexico while Evan Rachel Wood massages me with oil."

[brat-intraining.livejournal.com]

"What? Whoa, hey," Kennedy began to object, surprise and confusion in her eyes when she turned toward Tara, along with a flash of defensiveness. "Leaving out how the massage thing sounds like a really great idea, I just..."

She held her hands up, took a moment to visibly calm herself down, and sighed.

"There's people who care about you there. Maybe it's not so much a need thing; maybe I'd just feel better knowing you were there."

[life_inshadow]

"I like that better," Tara said, backing down. And the truth was, the people who cared about her thing was why she was going back, voice of her dead mother or no.

A moment later, she added: "Sorry. I just -- sometimes, um, you kind of sound a little bossy? Even though I know you totally don't mean it that way."

[brat-intraining.livejournal.com]

"No, you got me. I was trying to be, a little bit," Kennedy conceded; she was pretty sure the eggs were done, so she shut off the stove and headed over to start the bacon in the microwave and the waffles in the toaster. "Good intentions, but that isn't really my thing to do, is it?"

She gave Tara an apologetic look. "Sorry."

Trying to look out for her was a hard habit to shake, apparently.

[life_inshadow]

"It kind of sounds different now," Tara explained quietly, as she watched Kennedy cook. "But ... points for intent, yeah. And the people are why I'm going back."

[brat-intraining.livejournal.com]

"I guess it does, huh?" Kennedy made a little bit of a mess dishing out the eggs (which looked more crumbled than scrambled), and sighed, but left the fallen pieces on the floor for the time being in favor of getting bacon and waffles onto the plates. She gave Tara a rueful smile as she brought the plates over to the table. "Been a while since anybody's called me on that."

[life_inshadow]

Tara poked at her plate, loading some crumbled eggs and bacon onto her fork. It wasn't the prettiest breakfast ever, but she adored that Kennedy had made the effort to make it for her.

"Benn a while since I talked to you," she echoed. "It's still -- different. Not bad. But -- different."

[brat-intraining.livejournal.com]

"Totally," agreed Kennedy, who leapt out of her seat as soon as she'd taken it. "I forgot drinks, didn't I?"

She looked over the messy breakfast and shrugged helplessly. "We can order in for lunch or something," she offered, then decided, what the hell. "Have I mentioned-- it's really great to see you again?"

[life_inshadow]

Tara laughed, though there wasn't much humor in it. "Thanks, but I'd rather it was when I wasn't kind of a mess." She held up a hand before Kennedy could say anything. "I know I'm acting okay. Just -- emotionally. I kind of don't know who I am right now."

[brat-intraining.livejournal.com]

"Okay, granted, really not the best circumstances for a vaguely reunion-like thing," Kennedy conceded, coming back to the table with glasses and basically every beverage she could find in the fridge before she sat down across from Tara.

"You know you don't have to act okay with me if you're... not so much okay, right?"

[life_inshadow]

"I know that, I do," Tara said, pouring herself a glass of apple juice. "But it's not like I can just make myself act all crazy and grief-stricken because I know it's safe."

A beat.

"The night after the funeral? I snuck out and w-went to this party with friends of my brother's. People I don't even like. I still have no idea why."

[brat-intraining.livejournal.com]

Kennedy blinked at her, trying to picture that.

"Seemed like a thing to do, I guess?" she hazarded; she had no frame of reference for this, and it showed in the helpless way she stared at her hands for a fidgety moment. "I mean, I would, but..."

[life_inshadow]

"But I wouldn't," Tara said, with some urgency. "I'm there, drinking cheap beer with some guy who called me a freak every single day in middle school, and my mother is lying in the ground, and I -- I couldn't even cry that day."

She rubbed her forehead, swiping her palm over her hair. "I'm sorry. It's just -- I really don't know what I'm doing. I ran away, Kennedy."

[brat-intraining.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. That's more me than you, normally. But... not exactly normal circumstances, right? And hey. Not always a bad thing, running away," Kennedy answered gently, biting back the 'baby' that still seemed to come naturally to her. "I mean, seems like you're running away to the right people, and you know I'm not gonna judge."

There was more than a little vehemence to her tone when she added, "I hated the thought of you staying there, afterward."

Which was more of a clear admission than she'd meant to make that she still cared, but...

[life_inshadow]

"I left Moxy with them," Tara said, because she wasn't done confessing yet. "He's not a great traveler, and figuring out how to take him all over the place ... it seemed like so much work. I was tired."

She smiled a little. "Hey. I still like that you worry about me. Is that weird?"